i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
