Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
