Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
