need another drink. this is the easiest way
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
