your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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