I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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