You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
