Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
