i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
