Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
