this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
