Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
