I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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