Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
