In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
