yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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