you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
