So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
