my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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