You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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