They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
