Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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