You just made me feel so damn special
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
