This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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