If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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