yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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