they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
