oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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