Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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