I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
