I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
