I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
