i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
