Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
