Hey man sorry I got all grabby
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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