We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
