I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize