Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
