Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
