can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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