I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
