guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
