plz talk dirty to me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
