Pappa wants mamma naked
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
