if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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