So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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