His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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