i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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