The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
