We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
