"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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