1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
