i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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