:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
