I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
