You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
