From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
