He is an equal opportunity slut.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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