now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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