Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
