What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
