Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pants are for mortals
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
