So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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