life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
