Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
