No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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