Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize