It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
