You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
