Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
