Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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