you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
