So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
